Tuesday, September 15, 2009

A Dogs Eye View on Steroids!

Perspective is an amazing thing. A man that is 5'2" tall would be considered very short. However, in the eyes of a dog, especially some of the small breed dogs 5'2" is a GIANT! Could steroids be the answer to making that 5'2" man into a real giant? Conventional wisdom says no but with Wonderdog wisdom, hmmm?

You humans take life far too seriously. I know it's difficult surviving in these trying times and life is tough but to borrow a phrase from motivational speakers unknown "Life is not a dress rehearsal." You only get one chance to enjoy yourself so I think you should do everything in your power to do so. I do think you can take it a little too far though, right Barry Bonds? Are we really supposed to believe that you were just a late bloomer? I guess it's possible that your head is now the same size as your entire body used to be when you first came to the Majors. As the kids say nowadays, It could happen.

Why the sudden interest in all things anabolic? Little brother Murphy, commonly known of course as ALBM (annoying little brother Murphy) got in a dog fight today. Murph is an amazingly upbeat guy but he takes no crap. He used to beat on me pretty good when he was just a puppy. Hey I'm a lover not a fighter.

Murphy and I wrassling!

I can beat him but he surprised me!

I suppose I should have taught him the difference in breeds sooner because he treats Maltese and Rottweillers alike. Now in it's own way thats wonderful. The world would be a much better place if there was no breed prejudice but sometime it pays to take a look at who you are playing with.

Earlier today Murph was playing nicely at the park with a Pit Bull. They were getting along okay but then the Pit Bull got a little rough. Murph growled at the Pit Bull just to let him know that just because we're called Doodles doesn't mean we can't take care of ourself. Next thing you know Murph gets attacked by a Doberman who heard the growl and probably thought it was meant for him. Too many alpha dogs in the same party something has to happen occasionally. Long story short, a quick growling and biting match, a bunch of scared humans and then just like kids in a schoolyard pecking order was established and the fight was over.

Murphy got a couple of little nicks and cuts but Mom jumped into the middle and she ended up with the worst of it a cut on her arm courtesy of Mr. Doberman. She's a trooper though, no blame, no yelling by the humans and just a lot of embarrased looks.

ALBM how tough does he look?

I on the other hand had to witness all of this and as you know I am a very sensitive Wonderdog. I decided to put my superior Wonderdog intellect to work and come up with a way to avoid this kind of nonsense in the future. I decided to make Murphy into a SuperDog. Now this is different than a Wonderdog in that I can't make him as smart as me but I can turn him into a walking, talking (well dog language at least) dogfight deterrent.

How to proceed was a bit of a challenge though. He already gets a high quality human grade dog food as you know and while he's very healthy it hasn't turned him into a canine destroyer. I had to do the only logical thing. Steroids. I am aware that there could be some serious side effects so I really should get his permission first but that's just not going to happen. I know his testicals might shrink but they're too big anyway. They swing when he runs. I know it could cause health issues later in life but let's face it he is on a human grade dog food, gets lots of exercise and love and who wants to live forever? It also wasn't like I don't know what I'm doing because I've tried this before although with less than perfect results.

My previous effort with a steroid experiment!
Butch was not overly happy with the results.

At least Murph isn't competing in the Olympics in the near future so I don't have to worry about drug testing so the only thing I have to do is come up with a plan that maximizes his gains. For this I decided to borrow from the old Horseman's adage when getting racehorses ready to run. More is better! If one pill will make him gain 5 pounds of muscle then 10 pills should help him gain 50.

I started the program earlier this afternoon and I am attaching a picture to show the results so far. I've only had a few hours but I think this could work. Lets give it a couple of weeks then we can go visit the dog park again.

ALBM after two hours of steroids.

I'm hoping he'll grow into his paws!

As always your feedback is welcome.

Have a great day,

Bugsy Wonderdog

Always remember your pet loves you unconditionally!